Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This day which the Lord had made

It is that time for me to update my blog. This time honestly I really don't want to and I'll tell you why later but for now I have my nice hot mug of milk (don't say yuck yet, I have added a tad of malted flavor to zest it up) so here is how the day went....

The day was dreary here. Sunshine wasn't out like it has been. It looked like it was going to rain all day but didn't until around supper time. I had a very lovely and rather unusually lengthy conversation with my mom-in-law this morning. No worries, I just had an absolutely wonderful conversation with her. She cried and shared and oh how I related!! I appreciate her and I thank God that He gave me her as my mom-in-law. I truly couldn't imagine any other woman to be my mom-in-law. She is very special to both my husband and myself, and she's also very creative. She was going to come over earlier today to do an art craft with the kids but other plans came up so perhaps some other time soon she'll be able to make it.

I finished up school with the kids, had supper and then took them to Awana at our church (Bible school for the kiddos on Wednesday nights). I took them by myself as my loving husband stayed back home to study and for some quality time with Katie our youngest. While at church I played basketball with Sarah, Emily, Andrea, Chaeli and Michelle. Three on three. It was a good game until Chaeli hit her head against the wall rather hard, very hard. By the time we all left she seemed to be a little better, I called her on my way home and she sounded better. Poor Chaeli!! I feel so bad, I hope to call her in the morning to check on her. I can only imagine what kind of headache she'll have tonight.

After getting trash tags from the store, the kids and I managed to make it home. I sang alot of lullabies to the girls, prayed with the family and got the rest of the kids in bed. I know the day doesn't sound like much but if I added every little bit, you'd get the picture fast and would probably fall asleep :)

That brings me to the reason why I didn't want to update my blog. Just about around 4:00 this afternoon I received a call from my sister. She was at the veteran's hospital here in town. That was where my father had received all of his medical care at. She told me that she was trying to obtain his medical records. She informed me that the nurse indicated that he had an appointment on Wednesday October 14th at 9:50 in the morning and that he actually was there for that appointment. That means that he didn't die on the 13th Tuesday like originally thought. No he was out and about on that Wednesday to go to his appointment. The death certificate states that he died on the 13th and was pronounced dead on the 15th. Well that is all wrong now as we now know he was still alive on the 14th Wednesday morning. I called my mom and brother immediately and told them the news. They were pretty wowed by it. It was comforting to talk with them. This bit of news makes things somewhat harder. In the midst of funeral arrangements and things, your mind and body are trying to grasp what is really happening, what really happened to your loved one. Another words things don't "hit you" until a few weeks or so afterwards and the dust settles per say. Then after a few weeks you're trying to cope and move on, piece the puzzle pieces together and go forward. Then when news arises like this, you shift your whole idea of what you thought happened and try to cope with the information that has just been given to you. We don't know as of today when he died for sure or what the real cause was. We have have no closer in that matter and that hurts a great deal! We now know he was still alive a day longer than we had thought. My sister and brother were crying on the phone to each other and I've been crying a great deal tonight. It's hard and us siblings are now voicing to each other that we each have some major regrets. I regret the fact I didn't involve myself more in his life, I regret the fact that I felt inconvenienced when he would stop by unexpectedly. I regret the fact that I didn't make sure he knew I loved him ever so much. I regret the fact that I don't know for sure if he was saved and is now spending eternity in heaven or in hell. I regret the fact that he died all alone in his alone apartment on his couch perhaps wondering if his kids cared or loved him. I miss him and I would love to have another moment with him. To go back and tell him I love him. To hug him. To tell him I do care and to have more time with him. 33 years with your father is really not that long especially when your parents divorced when you were 5 and you hardly saw him growing up. I want my daddy back and I want all of this to go away because it hurts. I know that won't happen and I rest in my Lord and Savior. I rest in His goodness and His plan for us in every detail. I know this is His plan and I am ever so comforted by that. If I didn't have His love I couldn't get through this in the very least. I am comforted knowing that God IS in control of all things and this was planned before the foundations of the earth. So dear blogger friends, whether you read this whole thing or in parts, please do yourself a wonderful favor and tell those whom you want to know you love them that you love them. Death is real and it happens to everyone. Once your loved ones are gone, you can't go back and change a single thing. Tell them you love them and don't let a minute go by without knowing the Lord as your Savior!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
Sorry I wrote so much but I needed to, to heal and to continue moving forward. Please bare with me as I'm still grieving. Thank you for your prayers and concern! Blessings to you!!


  1. This post is raw and real.Thank you for sharing. Jesus promised us He would give us peace. I pray that His peace finds you! I hope that the closure comes soon so that your healing can begin!

  2. No need to apologize. I find that it is the best form of therapy to just sit down at the computer and write it all out. In time, these words will help heal others going through exactly what you and your family are. I am so sorry you don't have all the answers you are searching for and pray that God gives you peace about the ones you really need to know.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  3. Amy, Of course I read the whole thing. It is your blog. Express what ever you want to. Thank You for being so open and honest. I am so sorry for your loss. I know I have told you that before. I know the hurt of losing a Daddy. I pray for your Healing, Peace and Comfort. I am here for you... Thoughts and Prayers My Friend, Audrey

  4. (((Hugs to you))) I agree with the need to apologize! Get it out!! There are so many emotions and thoughts to process during this time!

    Praying for you as well.

  5. Amy I cried all the way through this post, for you and for me. That is terrible news about your father,that had to be a shock for all of you.I know what it is like to not have answers, I think about Tom's accident all the time and wonder how it could have happened, things I'll never have answers to.
    I am glad that we had our talk over the phone last week, maybe I should just write it all out like you did ?
    I love you and will be calling this week. You do a wonderful job of writing on your blog, I enjoy reading it.